SHOWER OF SHAMS

Mar 24, 2021 | Newsletter

Owing to reasons beyond my control, the shower in the house I temporarily lived in before I into my own house, did not work for almost the entire time I was there. When it was in working condition, shower pressure was..hmmm, how can I put this…at dribble levels. It made all the noise of a power shower but unfortunately was weaker than..something very weak. Action was taken and the bathroom was ripped out for a brand new one. Unfortunately, the shower ripper outers disappeared for ages and so we were left completely sans shower. Then when I moved into my house, I almost immediately ripped off the walls to replaster them so I had no radiators and no radiators means no heating and the shower didn’t work. It is for all of these reasons then, that many of the newsletters I wrote during this time were focussed on being a stinking mess without a shower. The summer of 2018 was actually properly hot which meant made the challenge of staying fresh, difficult. Any road, here is a newsletter from September 2018 when I was temporarily reunited with hot water washing facilities. 


BREAKING NEWS:

The shower in the house is working again after approximately three months of not working. Such is life. Luckily, my cousin lives down the road and so I traipsed in and out of their house all summer just so I can make my hair glossy every two days. They have been very kind and even though I’m sure it was annoying, they have been nothing but gracious. However, I haven’t solely lathered them with my washing attention. Oh no. I have spread the burden of my cleanliness all over Ireland and even the U.K.

For the past few months I haven’t left the house without a mini shampoo and razor in my bag. I’ve learned you’ve got to strike when the iron is hot. Seize the immersion! When I’ve called into friends in the last while and they offer tea or coffee I say ‘I’m okay for tea but is your power shower operational?’ On one particularly busy week I kept a note of where I did my ablutions and have reviewed them below. I present to you a week in showers by Esther O’Moore Donohoe.


Sunday

I call into my mothers to use her facilities and I also very kindly allow her to cook dinner for me which I know she appreciates. Mum’s shower is very good. It’s got little Tardis doors that make me feel I could Doctor Who it off to another dimension at any moment. Water pressure: strong. Temperature range: good. Product selection: award winning. 

Tuesday
Back to my cousins for use of their facilities. They are delighted and I know they’ll miss me when I’m gone. Water pressure: good. Temperature range: boiling-it’s like being cooked from the outside in; my dream. Product range: model’s own. 

Wednesday
I stayed in a friend’s house for the night and you best believe I availed of shower services. Temp, pressure and products were all very good as was towel selection. The shower itself was also very roomy and I was, very carefully, able to perform the opening sections of the Rhythm Nation dance routine by Janet Jackson. 

Thursday
Back to my cousin. They were so pleased at me inconveniencing them that I believe they both temporarily lost vision in both their eyes. 

Friday
In keeping with the whirling dervish nature of my lifestyle, I jetted off to London for the night to see a play called Pity in The Royal Court. Siobhan McSweeney a.k.a star of Derry Girls was in it. It was verrry enjoyable as was the shower in the hotel. It was possibly one of the most expensive showers I have ever taken given that it cost me a return Ryanair flight, a top up on my Oyster card, a theatre ticket and all the bits in between. Totally worth it to feel fresh as a daffodil.

Saturday
I took another Austin Power shower in London before farting around Liberty looking at gorgeous treasures I did not buy. I did not shower in Liberty.

Sunday
And so back to a parental unit for more food and hot water than one could ever need. I had come full circle. I had come full shower. I was so fresh, so clean. 
 

DRESS-THER
My aunts called over to my mums on Friday for a special family routine known as The Dance of the Great Dress Swap. It has been going on since I was small. One of them has a do, an event, a wedding and can’t find anything to wear so one of the other sisters arrives with armfuls of frocks to see if something suitable can be found. This time around, it was mum who had no dress for the ball. All the dresses were tried on and new bits showed off until all were satisfied. 

And now I will do my special move which is called The Ending of This Week’s Newsletter. I hope you liked it and I hope you are all well.

Until next time, toodleoo.

EO’MD.